Season Two, Game Nine

Season Two, Game Nine: The Willett Enigma-15th July, 2012

(by James Christensen)

Another Sunday afternoon of cricket, and doesn’t it feel good to be alive? Last time we played on a Sunday it was the ‘Super Sunday’ double header, which provided us with our first two wins of the season. Today, of course, we’ll be hoping for more of that ‘Super Sunday’ magic, while our worthy opponents, Eight4Sport, will be motivated by the desire to make amends for their narrow defeat, when last we met…

Now, I could try and build some drama and give you a history of Roaders/ Eight4Sport encounters. I could tell you that Eight4Sport won both matches in 2011, while we’re currently one up in season 2012. That much is certainly true... I could then go on and tell you of individual rivalries, of scores unsettled, and wrongs that would be righted in the grudge match to follow…. but all of that would be journalistic invention, or, to put it another way, total bollocks!

The truth, dear readers, is that both teams enjoy the sort of relationship that brings out the very best sportsmanship; and that was certainly in evidence today. Opposition batsmen were congratulated for each half decent stroke they played; while bowlers were given nods of approval for good deliveries from the very batsmen they were trying to dismiss. Perhaps this excellent relationship was forged in the battlefield of indoor cricket in the off season; perhaps by virtue of the fact that so many of us have played as ringers for the other side? Whatever the reason, our matches have developed that relaxed feeling of ‘friendly competition’ rather than ‘adversarial combat.’

Greasby Roaders bat first. Nick Birtwistle and Charles Pickering make a solid enough start, before The Mechano Man is bowled out for 11 (from 15 deliveries). Charles is joined by Peter Clowes, and it’s Pete who looks to be in excellent touch, unleashing some exquisite shots right from the get go. An unusually subdued Charles adopts the role of anchor-man, lending solid support to Pete, before he finally departs for 32 (also bowled, after facing a gritty 46 deliveries). We’re into the final stages of the innings and Pete is blazing away towards his second LMS half century, now assisted by yours truly (8* from 11), who tries to rotate as much of the strike to Pete as possible. Unfortunately, Pete is left stranded on 45* (from 35 deliveries), with the Roaders having made 96/2 at the close.

The big question then - would 96 be enough of a total to defend? Just a shame, really, that we didn’t have the services of another big hitter… I don’t know, say, someone like a Stephen Willett perhaps? Hmmm, wonder why Willett couldn’t play today? Knowing the skipper, must’ve been something pretty major. I mean, a club-man like Steve wouldn’t let us down, unless it was really important…Jury duty perhaps? (Nah, it’s a Sunday…) Delivering a baby on the side of the road? (Well possibly.) On Her Majesty’s Secret Service? MI6 assignment? (Who knows, but he’s most definitely NOT here!)

Eight4Sport open with Richard Veigas and their skipper, Nick Corcoran. The Roaders toil hard in the field; the batsmen play and miss a couple of times and, of course, there are the inevitable chances and half chances that go begging. After facing 38 deliveries, Richard Veigas is applauded off the field, with 52* against his name, and finally, FINALLY, there’s a chance to bowl to a fresh batsman…

By this stage, we’ve tried just about everything. We even had Charles (our regular keeper) bowl an over, while Joel (Angelina) Hockley discovered, the hard way, that maybe keeping is not his cricketing strong suit. (Sorry mate, but as a keeper you make a very good bowler! Clowesy’s still having nightmares about the four ‘byes’ conceded between your legs, together with that dropped sitter off his bowling; made even more comical by the fact that they were off consecutive deliveries. Pete’s face was priceless. He shrugged off the first misdemeanour remarkably well, but threw his head back and was heard to say something that rhymes with “Ahhh for duck’s lake!!!” after the second. Pete may well need years of counselling after this, if not decades!)

I must admit that I was a little aggrieved that the Big O, on skippering duties, didn’t turn to yours truly to don the gloves, since I kept for the Roaders in our first couple of outings and actually have an LMS keeper’s catch to my name. “Did you?” came Rob’s incredulous answer when queried on this point after the game. Glad it made such a strong impression on you ‘mate!’ Although, after my bowling performance, I’m not surprised that the Big O had lost a little faith in me- three overs at 10 a piece is not what you expect from a middle overs bowler, whose main job is to contain. Don’t know what’s happened to me since last year, but I certainly seem to have lost my bowling mojo, although, at least, my batting game has improved…. And Joel, here’s the compliment now mate… you bowled a very tidy four overs and were unlucky not to have claimed a wicket.

So, at this desperate stage, with the match all but lost, Nick Birtwistle is thrown the ball, and the Mechano Man doesn’t disappoint- bowling Matt Whitely through the gate for 8 runs (from 8 deliveries). (I did say, in a previous report, that Nick might be turning into something of an all rounder and, once again, we have further evidence that his may be the case. Well done mate - think I’m going to have to hand my leg spinning crown over to you on a permanent basis!)

Ultimately, the breakthrough’s in vein…Corky’s brother, Tim, joins him at the crease and the two Corcorans steer Eight4Sport home with just under three overs to spare; Corky having made a well compiled 33* (from 37 deliveries) and Tim 4* (from 4).

In the end, Greasby Roaders competed for about two thirds of the game, before Corky’s men pulled away to record a pretty convincing victory. Still can’t help but think that there might have been a missing ingredient in our bowling attack somewhere… Now, a man who can both contain and take wickets, as well as effect the occasional stunning run out - don’t know about you, but think I’m describing Stephen Willett again….

And so, back to the question on everyone’s lips, where WAS Willett today?

TRANSCRIPT OF EARLIER CONVERSATION IN GREASBY ROADERS BATTING HUTCH- 10 MINUTES INTO THE MATCH…..

ROADER ONE:         “So where’s Steve then?”

ROADER TWO:         “Yeah, not like him to miss a Sunday game.”

ROADER THREE:     “On holidays?”

GUY IN THE KNOW:     “Ah, not exactly… Actually, he’s playing cricket….”

ROADER ONE:     “Sorry, could you repeat that last bit. I thought you just said he was playing cricket.”

ROADER TWO:         “Must mean he’s coaching his under elevens…”

GUY IN THE KNOW:     No, I mean…

ROADER THREE:     [Interrupting]… “Isn’t he doing an umpiring course or something? Must be that….”

GUY IN THE KNOW:     [Shouting now] “NO, I MEAN HE’S ACTUALLY PLAYING CRICKET…HIMSELF!!!!”

[Stunned silence ensues, as all and sundry try to take in the implications of what’s been said…]

RANDOM ROADER:     “But he can’t be playing cricket, coz he’s not… Hang on… you mean….”

ROADER THREE:     “He’s playing for someone else!?”

[Gasps of shock and horror…]

RANDOM ROADER:     “Bastard!”

ROADER ONE:         “Judas Iscariot The bloody Ringer Willett!”

ROADER TWO:         “Don’t tell me he’s playing as a ringer for someone else?!”

GUY IN THE KNOW:     “No, he’s playing a friendly for the SCC.”

ROADER THREE:     “Poncing around in ‘solar flare yellow’ for the bloody SCC! And it doesn’t even count towards anything?! I don’t know what’s worse!!!”

Well, that was kind of the gist of it anyway… Greasby Roaders were without the services of their regular skipper, because he was playing a social game for the SCC, and the guys were none too pleased…

[Note to self. Great idea for Greasby Roaders merchandising… Children’s book based on ‘Where’s Wally Now?’ but retitled ‘Where’s Willett Now?’ Illustrations to depict Greasby Roaders in all sorts of cricketing crises and dilemmas. Main difference between the books is that whereas you can always find Wally somewhere in the illustrations, we won’t bother drawing Willett in, because he was NEVER there in the first place!!!]

All jokes aside, Steve did actually have a perfectly reasonable excuse. SCC had invited him to play in a social 40 over a side match some time ago, before a cancelled Eight4Sport match was rescheduled to become today’s game. (He was simply just honouring an earlier commitment.) So Steve, your reputation as Mr Integrity remains intact. Not that we…err… ever doubted you….